08 Oct Sexual Health – More Love Means More Condoms
Shockingly for once in a blog, I’m not talking about my own preferences. Whether I do or don’t like condoms is neither here nor there since I have an IUD (two babies is enough, thank you very much). Nor – equally shockingly – am I talking about a man. We’ve all heard the excuses –
‘It doesn’t fit’. ‘It’s less sensitive’. ‘It ruins the moment’. and if he’s really – ahem – cocky, ”They haven’t made one big enough to fit me yet.’
No, I’m talking about a very good friend in her 30s, who is highly educated about the dos and don’ts of sex…but who isn’t using a condom. I’m talking about her and about us. Women.
She’s in love, my friend. And at the risk of sounding cynical, it’s because she’s less than 6 months into the relationship (‘love’ lasts…’in love’ doesn’t, although it may come and go). But Love, I’ve noticed plays a huge part in whether or not women use condoms. Men have cottoned onto this – ‘I really love you, don’t worry I’ll be careful.’ Women’s biology, despite the risks, unconsciously wants to know, no matter how minute a chance it is, that if it’s meant to be… a baby will be conceived. Yes. It’s true. Because a baby is love. The ability to Love. The reciprocity of Love. Unconditionally. And Love…is meant to be.
Our biology is a devil of an opponent. If you’re a woman, sex isn’t just about the two of you. It’s the amazing potential to call on that child sitting somewhere in your future waiting to be born. Women channel Love in order to recreate Love 9 months down the line. And the unconscious desire to recreate Love means that many women put themselves in danger by having unprotected sex.
That’s fine if you’re truly a couple in love and you’re having healthy sex, respectful sex and sex where you’re both happy to accept the consequences, but often the love isn’t two way or even one way since many pursue sex to fulfil their own need to be loved. And that’s not healthy at all.
So how is this to be solved? I don’t advise abstinence first of all. I’m recognise our need for connection. And if you have to wait to be issue-less to have sex, why none of us would (me included). In this day and age, it’s very stupid to be having unprotected sex with short term partners and whether or not I’ve done it (I have) or my friend is doing it (she is) I will never advocate it. We cannot eradicate this urge, for if love comes from anywhere in a woman, its beats from the womb. Nor can we cut off our search for love, for otherwise how are we to live? Ironically the solution lies in yet more love. Love for yourself. Those women who don’t love themselves enough are the ones who most often have unprotected sex. So work on loving yourself, and you can enjoy more fun, protected sex.
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