14 Nov Sorry seems to be the hardest word
I am learning that I’m becoming pretty good at some things. And there is one thing in particular that I’m really great at.
I’m not talking about the heart felt apology for something that has hurt or harmed another human-being or animal. I’m talking about the unashamedly ‘sorrys’ that either begin or end almost every single sentence.
‘Sorry did I interrupt you’
‘Sorry, its not that good’
‘I can’t make that sorry’
‘I have been busy sorry’
‘Sorry, I knocked into you’ (although you walked into me)’
Sorry, sorry, sorry!!!
It is only recently that this has come to my attention, or quite rightly been pointed out by my good friends. I know that the first step in changing a behaviour is to acknowledge and become aware of it. It was suggested by one friend that what if I changed the sorry to something like ‘I would sincerely like to apologise for ….’. This does not easily roll off the tongue and would make me stop, think and feel into what I am actually saying. This is so important as there is nothing worse than a fake or unnecessary sorry.
I started to look further into the reasons why there are so many of us with this problem. Why do I do this and what am I trying to achieve or hide by saying it?
Am I apologising because I don’t deserve the time and attention? Am I protecting myself before being ridiculed or rejected? Am I feeling intimidated or nervous? My new found awareness around apologising is making me question all aspects in my life.
Another reason why someone may be continuously apologising is they are unconsciously frustrated with themselves and others. If not addressed this can build up and cause passive-aggressive behaviour – polite on the surface but inside seething with anger, irritation and resentment. This can also happen when we say yes to everything and never have a no. Check out Claires blog on ‘Just Say No‘. Changing a behaviour like this is extremely empowering and liberating.
Now I really feel into my sorry. I ask myself ‘Is it true?’ and ‘Have I done something to be sorry for?’ This is easier with messages and emails. I’m trying to ban them completely when I talk. I’m also looking at my self-worth and confidence and trying to build on them. There will come a point where I need to use a genuine ‘sorry’ but I hope this will come from a place of true authenticity, it is then that I believe it will be the most powerful and honest ‘sorry’ of all.